Light of My Life

There is something I really must tell you.  I am in love with you.  I have been whispering it in your ear over and over for months now, but you have yet to return the sentiment and it's getting a little awkward.  I am head over heels, nuts-o about you...the sweet little bundle of drool, chubby cheeks and coy smiles who has invaded my life recently.  I am consumed with the sparkle in your eyes, the pout of your lower lip, the wild blonde hairs hiding among your puffy mane of peach fuzz.  I live for the times that you wrap your little arms around my elbow, lower your forehead to my bicep and lean in close for a full-body-to-arm hug.  I could spend countless hours doing nothing but watching you hoist a measuring spoon over your head just so you can drop it and then pick it up again.  Riveting stuff.  It's a borderline obsession.  And because I never want you to doubt it, just know that I have spent your first months on this earth in a state of complete devotion, with no promise from you that you won't abandon me for "better things" when you hit those dreaded teenage years.  Because you will.  Because you're supposed to.  You can't always fall asleep so close to me that I can feel your breath on my arm. You won't always depend on me for your every need.  And you certainly won't always greet me with such a radiant smile.  But today you do.

You are the last in a string of daughters who I have watched grow up and apart.  Each of you in your own stage of independence.  I am watching your oldest sister prepare for her adult life.  I am afraid of some of the choices she will make, but they are hers to make.  I will be here for advice, guidance or just to listen.  Kylee is crossing that threshold between childhood and teenage angst.  With a closet full of t-shirts covered in funny sayings and an ipod loaded with The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, One Direction and Raffi, the conflict going on within her is outwardly obvious.  And my sweet little Sydney will be graduating kindergarten in just a few short weeks.  Somehow to me that means leaving every last trace of babyhood behind.  Today she was singing a song off of the radio.  I couldn't help but wonder when she learned songs from anywhere other than The Wiggles or Barney.  I am painfully aware of how quickly time goes by when you are measuring it in milestones and kids' birthday parties.  I have learned that these early years are worth their weight in gold and seem to pass in double or triple time.  I hope that by the time you are a teenager I will have figured out how to communicate with them.  Please be patient with me if I haven't.  

All of this introspection, coupled with the fact that Sydney tends to run when she sees me with my camera in my hands anymore, is probably the reason I forgot I was grilling dinner and made a mad dash for my camera when I saw her playing in the backyard wearing her white bathing suit cover-up and no shoes.  She was pretending to be a farmer who just so happened to have a comical southern accent.  Let the chicken burn.  This stuff is priceless.  So we ate slightly crunchy chicken sandwiches that night.  But I captured some beautiful memories.

I'm excited about the prospect of following you around the yard, toddling through the grass.  Someday.  You and your sisters fill my world with so much joy.  You'll never truly understand how much you mean to me.  That light shining behind your sister up there...you girls are that light, times a million billion trillion.  And you can add any other made-up "illion" number on there and still not be overshooting.


I have quite a bit to post from last weekend between prom, your 7 month "birthday, and Mother's Day.  I'll get my pictures uploaded and load some rare Ashley pictures.  They are few and far between, indeed.