Sweet Dreams are Made of This

My sweet baby girl.  I feel like you've been part of my life forever, so how is it that just a year ago I had no idea that you'd soon be on your way?  How could I have thought I was living a full life when there was so obviously a Finnlee-shaped hole in it?  How is it possible that I didn't know that my own little girl was missing from my life?  And now here you are.  So present that I can scarcely remember the days when you weren't.  I've memorized the shape of your profile, the smell of your hair, your crooked, toothless smile...I'd know you anywhere.  You are so completely a part of me.  


In some ways it feels like yesterday when I heard the news about our fourth baby, and in some ways it was a lifetime ago.  You were so unexpected, but don't ever, ever mistake that for unwanted.  You have consumed a part of my heart that I didn't know existed from the very moment that you were two pink lines.  I feel like you may feel short-changed from time to time because you are our fourth daughter.  I don't want you to see your oldest sister's baby book, or another sister's scrapbook or calendar and think that I didn't have the time to do something special for you.  Times have changed, my life has changed, but my love for my baby girls will always be the strongest force I'll ever contend with.  I may not have a perfect belly pic of every month of this pregnancy, or a perfectly accessorized scrapbook detailing your birth, but this blog, little Finnlee...this blog is just for you.  Someday we'll look at this together.  I'll laugh and reminisce.  You'll marvel that this little, helpless creature was you.  Someday.  But for now I'll soak up every second of your tininess and record it here.

I love everything about you, baby girl.  Every snort, every yell, everything.   And I have so much to tell you.  But for now, sweet dreams.